Grit > Happines

As a parent with an experience of almost 6 years, I finally realized what my role is, which made me realize what I actually need to do in my Amazon business to achieve my goals.

You see, I thought that my mission as a parent was to make my kids happy, but as you quickly come to realize - That’s not a good strategy.

We want our kids to eventually be happy, fulfilled, independent, and know their way around life.

To get there - I don’t want to be too hard on my kids by pushing them to the extreme and I don’t want to be too soft on them so they can’t do everything for themselves. I knew I needed to balance this out in some way, but had no idea what to do.

So how did I figure it out? The same way I do anything - Study and consult - Read books, talked to friends with kids who I trust, etc.

What did I learn? To get our kids to be happier, they need to develop grit - Determination.

To me, happiness is something that happens more in moments than in an actual constant state.

The reason people get addicted to things like drugs, sex, social media, and sugar, is that they all make them happy for a short period of time. Happiness, for the most part, is a short-term feeling.

By having self-control, by having you control your own thoughts and actions, you will become happier eventually.

I talk a lot about short-term and long-term thinking, here’s how I see this:

Happiness Focus = Short term

Grit Focus = Long term

Focusing on being happy is short-term thinking. You can watch Netflix for 3 hours and be happy for the short term by shutting down your brain.

How can I get my kids to be more determined? It’s all about showing them how to control and regulate their feelings. Once they can do that, they will have self-control, which can get them to wherever they want to get to in life.

Kids need to learn how to handle things like fear, anger, frustration, envy, shame, and the list goes on.

How can we teach our kids to do that? Well, we need to be able to control our emotions first. That means having self-control.

The don’ts - No raising our voices, no yelling, no praising your kids (more on this later in this email), no threatening, no “if you do A you get B”, and no “if you don’t do A you don’t get B”.

The do’s - Connect first - Acknowledge what your kid is going through, relate, listen, share a personal story of your own, have clear boundaries, and be there physically and emotionally.

As my kids grow, the more feelings they learn to control the better I did my job as a parent. Control of feelings is what will allow them to stand up to someone else, protect someone they care about, and be able to tell right from wrong.

When my kids see that I can control my own feelings, they learn to control theirs. When I talk and confront their feelings head-on, they learn to do the same.

“That’s deep Tomer, but what does any of this have to do with selling on Amazon?”

I’m glad you asked, the answer is; Everything.

You see, most of those who are on this email list are Amazon sellers who are either looking to grow or sell their Amazon business.

Having a business, is similar to having a child, only the business is sometimes the parent and you’re the child - You’re the one feeling envy, frustration, anger, etc. You’re having those feeling towards your business, and maybe also blaming everyone else in the process.

The truth is, the more you learn to have self-control and regulate your own feelings, the more successful you’ll become.

How do you do that?

Here are a few tips:

1. Stop checking your sales as the first and the last thing you do every day - I would even recommend deleting the Amazon Seller Central app from your phone. This data might be important, but it’s only a result of the work you’ve put into your business. It’s important to look at your sales, but there’s no need to look at sales constantly throughout the day, especially if that has an effect on your overall mood for the entire day or night.
2. When something bad happens don’t lose your mind over it - Instead, the first thing that should go through your mind is: “How can this benefit me?” It’s like trying to make an omelet - if the eggs are a bit overcooked you just throw in some cheese and diced vegetables to make a frittata. That frittata probably required a bit more work and resources, but came out to be much more delicious than what you had originally planned. When you make a mistake, don’t just learn from it, first see if you could actually turn it into something positive.
3. There’s usually a 3rd option - If you’re faced with a situation where you think it has to be done only one way or the other, try to go back and think again if it can be done in a different way together. This thinking process has helped me many times. We have this new product we’re developing and we were thinking where they should be put the zipper to open it - After I was shown the different possible solutions and did not like any of them, my response was: “What if we got rid of the zipper all together?” and that’s what we ended up doing while making a MUCH better-looking product.
4. Be obsessed with the experience - When working on a new product, the more you invest in the best experience possible for your customers, the easier it will be to launch and scale the product. The packaging, the inserts, the instructions, and the product itself, are all opportunities to have a wow effect on your customers. Take advantage of all of them.
5. Only look internally - You heard this many times - Don’t compare yourself to others, only compare yourself to yourself.. that is easier said than done, but the real question you need to ask yourself is: “Is this the best I can do?” and if it is, then that is all you can do. For those of you with kids, don’t praise your child’s drawing by saying: “You’re the best!” or “This is beautiful!”. Instead, say: “Wow, that drawing you did has really straight lines. What do you think?” Why would you do it this way? By praising your child, they will look for outside validation when they grow up - Being fed by their environment, and social media, and constantly comparing themselves to others. Instead, if you let them look within themselves, and by them telling themselves they did well, that’s what will build them up as confident individuals.
6. Your business is not about you - It’s about the following: Your products, your team, your systems and processes, and your customers. Your role as a business owner is to be the parent for all of these different aspects of your business. You’re there to support, to ask questions, to challenge, and to sometimes get your hands dirty to get stuff done (why is it so difficult to zip a child’s coat? We’re in 2023). It’s about being humble, not about showing or saying how great you are. It’s about admitting your mistakes when you make them.

The bottom line is, grit is not more important than happiness, grit creates more happiness.

So, no matter where you are with your business, keep pushing, and you’ll be happier.